My friend Amanda came to me the other day in tears. She was worried that her boyfriend Bobby was cheating on her. She wanted my guy's opinion of what she should be looking for as warning signs. The following are the four main things I told Amanda she should be on the lookout for.
I recommend suspicion of any drastic change in how he treats you. Negative attention, like withholding affection or calling less often, is a good indication that he may be seeking other pastures, which should be obvious. What usually gets missed though is when he starts showering you with gifts like chocolates or flowers for no apparent reason. These may indicate a guilty conscience.
Is he becoming more distant? When a partner is being faithful they will want to spend time with you. They won't be afraid to show affection. It stands to reason, then, that when they begin to pull back from you that something is not quite as it should be. This is especially true if the distance comes suddenly. The clichéd working extra overtime also falls into this category of behaviour.
He won't talk about the future of the relationship. Alarm bells should begin screeching if a relationship that has survived through the primary casual stage and he is unwilling to share his plans. Watch out if he becomes defensive when you broach this topic, as well as for deflections to other issues.
Has his IM suddenly become filled with new "friends" that he won't invite to functions that you are attending? I don't recommend snooping around his computer, but it's easy to tell if something he'd rather hide is going on. Walk by and give him a hug while he's at the computer, does he minimize programs or switch windows as you approach? With the prevalence of online dating these days, this should be a big red flag.
Remember, every relationship is different so don't begin blindly accusing him of infidelity. There can be perfectly innocent reasons for any one of these changes, I always tell my women friends to look for at least two of these signs before jumping to the conclusion that their man is cheating.
